I’m heading out in like 10 minutes time, meeting up with Syahmi and Grace at Bugis for lunch so I don’t have much time to blog actually. Will just do a quickie summary and some thoughts about what I have for this year.

This year has been a pretty fluctuating one for me. Plenty of ups and downs, though I think the latter happened to me more often in life (heh what’s new). Yet drastically as a whole person, I felt that I didn’t improve at all. Academically wise, yes I had sort of improved, but it remains to be seen whether I will enter the school of my choice next year with my results. Ahead of me are plenty of challenges just waiting for me to hit them on, so I wonder what will happen. Of course for most who know me, I’m actually a pretty laid-back person, happy go lucky kind of guy. I always take one step at a time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t plan for my future at all. It’s just that sometimes, the fear is there. Yes I’m afraid, but honestly who isn’t about that uncertainty? But if you are not willing to even try, how would you know about anything? So yes, I will presevere no matter what happens. The motto in my life now is, as long as we believe, we can achieve.

Met and made a pretty few good friends this year, and they had wonderfully added lotsa colors into my life. Without them, I think I wouldn’t have found the emotional support I needed in my life, apart from having my family. My relationship with my sister had also improved by quite alot this year, hopefully we will be as close as now in time to come. It’s nice to be able to share and talk with your siblings when you need to when the situation arises, cause this is something you just can’t simply share or do with your friends that easily. And I’m glad things are so much different now, it feels great and motivating at the same time.

I had also been single for more than a year now. And I thought I won’t fall in love this year, but it actually happened. I met the person of my dreams, but too bad we seemingly ain’t meant to be together. (or at least that’s what I think) There’s also the pretty huge age gap btw us, so I wondered is that one of the reasons. She’s also academically much better than me, so I wondered if she did mind about that too. But frankly I’m just glad that I had the chance to have met her, the feeling of liking someone else on your own part, aka unrequited love is simply much better than not been able to fall in love with anyone at all. Those sweet memories, those are already enough for me to live by. I’m just simply contented enough to have met her in my life, really.

Pretty mixed feelings. About Love, about Friendship. I’m not sure if things are gonna look up on me in 2006, but I guess I will still continue and walk on. I still wanna believe, in people, in my friends. Just because a couple of people out there happens to be an antagonist in the story of your life, it doesn’t mean that they have to be that significant to change anything in your life. As long as you believe, you will survive. Fuck those adversaries, fuck Satan. If you believe you can overcome and achieve, you will do so as long as you make the effort to believe in yourself.

Alrights that’s about it, I’m done. Gotta rush out now. New year resolutions? Haha will do it over the weekend when I have the time. Why not you people start one first? Then maybe I can see if it can inspire some ideas onto me, hahahah. Ok monsieur aaron out! (^ ^)

Sorry for the update delay, after Christmas was over I thought I needed some time off, to sort some things out. To do some reflections, to think about my new year resolutions. Blah blah blah, whatever.

And I just got reminded yesterday night that this weekend (Saturday) is actually New Year’s eve, which means there will be more havoc and stuffs like this happening everywhere, well almost. So I guess the only solution to avoid the crowd and the shit is just to stay at home, and be a good boy. But that would be so boring, no? And I’m supposed to meet Syahmi and Grace up this weekend, since we’re planning to come out to chill. Hrms, decisions and decisions. Prolly just need to find some good alternatives, Holland V would be nice I think? I so wanna go Essential Bar to chill again.

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I slept at 6am just now, and woke up not too long ago. Didn’t really slept well over the night (or rather morning), it was a pretty on and off thing. All the waking up and turning around in bed kind of stuff. I think it must be that coffee I had yesterday night with Jimmy (seizure). Anyway still feeling pretty groggy right now, but I guess I will be fine after a hot shower, before heading out for church later, and also going to catch up with Shaun for lunch too, it’s been awhile since I last saw him.

Anyway, just a quick update. Been real busy the past few days, doing my X’mas shopping and stuffs. Not all is for me though, some are for my friends. Though I did pamper myself with some shopping therapy too; bought 2 Levi’s jeans and a very nice grey color tote bag. (which can also function as a shoulder slingbag too) Also did 2 ear-piercings on my left ear, like finally. Been wanting to do a ear-piercing since ages ago but I’m always procrastinating it for God knows why, and also cause I was busy studying and preparing for my exams for the past few months, so yeah. Now waiting for my ear-hole to be seasoned, before I go put my own ear-rings/ear-studs. My sis said I should wait for about a week or two, but Ronald tells me the best is to wait for two or three weeks. So I guess I will just leave it as it is for awhile hehe.

Met up with the guys today to chill and also for dinner, initial plans was to actually head to Suntec or Marina for dinner, but in the end we ended up in Orchard again, as usual. Heavy crowds were everywhere in Orchard Rd (as expected), especially around the Wisma and Takashimaya area. There were some incidents happening around that area yesterday night actually, which you can read up more about it over here. We were lucky cause we were on the other side actually; we were on the opposite direction walking back to Orchard Heeren from the Meridien foodcourt area, so we didn’t really met or kana any bhangras or ginna kias on the way who are so fanatic with their spray-cans trying to spray anyone and everyone that they can see or catch, which was quite a nuisance obviously. I personally think that in times likes this, especially during festive seasons, they should deploy more police to maintain and control the crowd, so no-one will dare to try anything funny. Just reading about those bhangras trying to take advantage of the modesty of the girls and xiaomeimeis out there, is seriously making me feel like condemning them to the core. This is not about been a racist or what, but just WTF, just thinking about it, it’s always the case like this that only happens during festive seasons like X’mas or New Year countdowns. Why do they come out in a crowd during a time like this, and not during Deepavali? So can we form a Chinese crowd next time and go disturb the chio chio Malay and Indian xiaomeimeis and girls? Oh please, give me a break man.

So all crap aside, I think the Christmas celebration for this year was pretty alright. Spent the night and countdown at Cafe Cartel with them, and we exchanged presents with each other. I left shortly after the countdown was over, cause I was originally meeting Jimmy (seizure) outside Cineleisure since we were planning to go Holland V to chill. He drove over from home and fetched me from Orchard, then off we went to Holland V. Was supposingly having the plans to go for some drinking, but in the end we decided against it cause he needs to drive home safely (not to mention TP was all around the island during festive seasons like this) and I also have church the next morning. So initially we decided to go to Essential Bar to chill, but cause when we reach there it was gonna close soon, so in the end we had coffee instead at Coffee Bean & Tealeaf. Jimmy treated me to ice mocha and some really nice tiramisu cake, haha really appreciate it, thanks bro. We catched up and updated each other with our lives and current on-goings. He’s actually clearing leave right now since he can’t bring over his block leave over to next year, due to his unit’s policy, which is pretty bummer actually, since I believe every NSF servicemen was supposed to be entitled to this kind of privilege if I’m not wrong. Nevertheless I believe he’s also happy in a way, since he can have more free time for himself and also to spend with his gf.

So well, that’s about it. I actually have some very mixed thoughts about Christmas this year, which has also brought me some light in terms of some matters also, which I will elaborate about it the next time, when I have the chance and the mood to write abt it. In the meantime, let’s just say some matters are really hard to comprehend or control within our own will or power; sometimes you just can’t do anything abt it yourself, since it really takes two hands to clap.

Ok I’m really running late, so that’s about it. Will prolly upload some photos that I had taken over the past few days tonight, so catch you guys again soon. Oh and it’s the birthday of Jesus today also, praise the Lord. And hope everyone will have a very nice Christmas and Happy Holidays too, laters everyone! (^ ^)

By the way, I didn’t know that ‘Dango’ means rice cake in the first place. Did some reading up, then found out about it’s true meaning. I was actually thinking that it has reference to boys, since I originally knew of this term from Hana Yori Dango, which in short also means Flower Over Boys. Pretty lame translation eh? Oh whatever.

Talking about rice cakes, I think it’s a pretty delicious and cheap delicacy. Japan definitely has some of the nicest poor man’s food around, like ramen and okonomiyaki. I think if given a choice of choosing what to eat for the rest of my life, I would choose japanese crusine, even if it means surviving merely on cheap food like ramen, rice cakes or miso soup. I really don’t mind eating all these for the rest of my life, since I know I won’t be sick of it. Heck what’s more, I have been eating these all these years without complaints too.

Of course there’s also the expensive japanese food too. Kobe Beef anyone? And how about Pepper’s Lunch? Or even Takopachi? But of course, those who know me, knows that I don’t really mind splurging on good food. Nothing beats enjoying a good meal with a bunch of good friends and company.

Shit, now I’m thinking about food, in the middle of the night like this. Cheese pies man, and my fridge has nothing for me to whip a good meal now. No instant noodles for me, godly unhealthy piece of flour and crap MSG. Another reason is also because I don’t wanna lose my hair, yes I know I’m a sinner, vanity is a sin, but who fucking cares? (^ ^)V

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Sometime ago, I came across this article online titled “Can Videogames Make You Cry?” and I thought I should mention it, since it was a pretty interesting read.

So most of you might ask, can a videogame literally make you cry or weep? I personally think that it’s possible. Nowadays, we’re not just talking and emphasizing on the killing and violence in games anymore (think Counterstrike). Good videogames does more than that; it tries to reach out the general audience by conveying intended emotions through it, either with good character development in the seemingly linear story-line, or through interesting gameplay fundamentals in a game itself. Graphics and music plays an important role as well; a state-of-the-art technology if used correctly in a game can certainly help to heighten the sense and emotions as well as convey the hidden message in a game which the game developer originally wishes to convey to the audience who’s playing it.

These days, I feel that a videogame is not just simply a videogame anymore. It’s on the same kind of entertainment level as what a book, a movie or even a piece of music could achieve. It’s a kind of vision that game developers wishes to share with the public out there. That same kind of feeling that you experience after watching a good movie or had listened to an excellent piece of music, which can be done with a good videogame too, if done correctly. But how many game developers can actually achieve that, with their games? Sadly, not much.

Frankly, nowadays alot of major game companies emphasize more on the marketing factor and the revenue that their games could bring, rather than the core aspect of how ‘fun’ and ‘interesting’ their games should be. This is sad really, but that’s how the current industry is right now. Not to mention even more so with some American game companies. I for one do not really consider myself to be an ‘American’ gamer, I’m actually more of a ‘Japanese’ gamer myself, because most of the games I like and play are developed by Japanese game companies. Game industry prodigies like Hideo Kojima, Tetsuya Mizuguchi, Shinji Mikami, Yuji Naka and Keita Takahashi has certainly earned my respect with their games and I consider myself to be very fortunate to be able to play and experience them, cause it was one of a kind of ‘vision’ that they manage to input and convey with their games to all the gamers out there. Not everyone can achieve this through the games they create, so if you thought that this was easy then you are absolutely wrong about it.

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Now now, the future is definitely not flux. (pun intended)
Read on to find out why. (Warning: might contain spoilers)

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These past few days, I have been thinking alot. I think it has got to do with some of my friends around me, and the past behind me. I just can’t help but think, that alot of things has changed, without me realising the transition of things around me.

Growing up is never easy. It never was. But it was comforting in the sense that we know we will always try and move on, because we wanna be strong. And when things get emotionally out of control, we always hope to have someone to fall back on. It’s always like this, no?

However, moving on is easier said than done, really. When I smile or laugh, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m happy. Sometimes I wonder why I’m living in such denial. People build barriers around themselves, including me. But sometimes I feel that not only have I built barriers around myself, but I have also built barriers within myself, for some reason. Been detached and nonchalant to things around me, this is so unlike me. The transition of me changing into someone else that I do not even recognise or realise, is really inhumanly scary.

Just last week while I was having dinner with my group of friends, both me and Grace were just talking about something of the same wavelength. She was telling me that most people would not go that extra mile for that someone, if he or she is already comfortable in their own kind of comfort zone, with a core group of friends to fall back on for support. So does that mean, as long as we have a certain few individual friends that we can trust or rely on, we can take our so-called 2nd or even 3rd tier of friends for granted? I asked her, and she stuttered. She didn’t know how to reply me. I smiled and said it was alright, most people didn’t expect this kind of questions too.

The other day, I was abit disgruntled with Jimmy. I rebuked and complained that he didn’t spare time to hang out with us anymore, without me realising that he was been involved with more important stuffs in his life. He has been helping out this friend of his who’s just been discharged from ICU, after a great fall from a 6th storey-high building. Somehow after he told me this, I felt a tinge of guilt inside me for blaming him, and forgave him. It’s very rare to find someone who’s willing to go that extra mile for a friend, regardless of his or her own schedule. Deep inside my heart, he has my respect. And just awhile back ago, he almost got involved with the military law, because of a friend too. I think friends like this are very hard to come by. I’m glad to say that I’m fortunate to know him actually, he will always be one of my greatest and closest friend in life.

And of course, I’m very glad and happy to say, I have found friends whom I can trust and rely on. Regardless of things that happened in the past, how some friends has betrayed or cheated me, my faith in my friends has never been really wavered, just like how a tree is strong by its own roots. I might have made compromises along the way in some way or the other, or even showed you my attitude or temper, but my faith and trust in my friends, will always be there.

Sometimes, when we fall, we have to remember, that as long as we pick ourselves up, our strong will and faith will always be there, waiting for us.

“If you live, there will be a horrible day, but there will also be an amazing day. That’s what life is all about.”

Over the past week, I have had countless of thoughts drifting in and out of my mind. 2 very self-compelling thoughts hit me and had me wondering for awhile.

“You can only judge the strength of a friendship in the face of adversity” and “The whole idea of monogamy and one true love”.

Yadda yadda yadda. The 2 questions lingered on my mind for pretty awhile, that I got so sick of it and just shrugged them out of my mind back to back. But somehow they keep coming back at me, leaving me at my wits’ ends. Pfffttt.

I think sometimes, I’m just taking the easy way out. Running away. Yeah, makes me comfortable of course, but only in a temporary way. Sooner or later I will have to deal with it again, and then I will be stuck with the kind of situation that I don’t wanna be in, with no solutions whatsoever. 問題となる事実? 問題の分析と解決? (._.)

Ok skip that. I’ll just do a recap of what I did over the past week.

Caught Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was pretty alright. 150 minutes of pure fantasy goodness for any Harry Potter fan. I’m not a fan of the books so I’m not hardcore enough to give a true verdict from a book nook’s point of view. 3 stars out of 5 stars for me.

And after a few weeks of hiatus from running, I have since went back to running almost everyday now. I think I have hurted my left tendon, but I think it’s because of an old injury I got since NS. Nonetheless I think with enough rest I should be alright again, no worries. Guess I just stressed my legs too much, after a long absence from regular running. But it certainly feels good again. I love long-distance running.

Finally met up with her too, and she likes the stuff I gave her. She seems more busy this semester, or so she said. So I’m not sure if we will have a chance to hang out again, but I’m just glad we are on talking terms again. I’m trying to plan a surprise for her this upcoming X’mas, but I’m going hush hush on the details so don’t even think about it heh. (^ ^)

Lorraine and I are planning to take up japanese classes this December, but we haven’t really decided on which school to take. I had gotten a few suggestions from MC and am looking into the classes schedule, will have to see how it goes cause afterall I have to work part-time too.

Was supposed to start work this week at a LAN cafe, but a friend of my who recommended me the job told me the vacancy was taken up last minute. So I guess it’s back to the job-hunting again, after this weekend.

Sigh, I feel so incoherent these days. I think something’s bothering me man.

Going to Sentosa Siloso beach to chill in a few hours time. I really miss the sun and the sea. Heard that the Siloso area got upgraded recently too. Oh and who’s interested in going to Zoukout next week? Let me know ok, earlier the better so can get advance tics.

Ok monsieur aaron outtttt. (zuru-zuruuuuuuuu)

In light of the recent events of the Australian drug trafficker, if you had been following the local news, it has already been known and decided that he will be executed in Changi Prison today at 6am promptly. As much as I have no compassion towards drug traffickers, I do have something to say about this particular matter.

All along, I for one have no interest nor liking for diplomacy and politics. It’s not because I’m afraid of getting flamed by anonymous readers of this site, or the fear of getting into trouble with local authorities. It’s just that I had always felt that in regards to democracy and political issues, there is no way you can have your way of idealism, because it’s all just one-way, a one-sided affair. Not convinced? Take a look at this article I found here.

So is this the only way out for diplomacy? I certainly do not think so. While Singapore and it’s government is known for its firm and strict law followings, my personal take on this matter is that the rejection of clemency on this issue would certainly hurt Singapore in a way or the other, no matter how you view it. Please read this article here to understand why I’m saying this, if you have no freaking idea of the cold logic behind it.

So is the death penalty for that Melbourne guy really that mandatory? I believe behind every case there’s a true and sad story, and all of us knows his story. He did it for his brother, he’s had a clean record, and is also a first-time offender. And look at what his friends has done for him over at Australia outside the State Library in Melbourne. You would certainly not see something like this over here, what death penalty? Life still goes on, local people always have this kind of mentality, that who would give a flying fuck about some nobody, regardless of whoever’s gonna land on the death-row. See the difference here?

Somehow, I’m disgusted by my own country, after the events of this matter. As much as I love my country, (oh I really do love Singapore, it’s such a nice place) I’m so put off by its democracy and political issues. But can I do anything about it? Sadly, not even one bit.

Realist? Definitely not.