First of all, I would like to say that I’m just glad that this long hard week is finally over. I’m embracing and looking forward to my weekends like a happy little boy that has just received candies from Santa, ready to be easily satisfied with any goodness that God can throw at my life. Intending to go for a good run tomorrow morning when I wake up, then it’s breakfast? Should I run to drive 6 to buy some dou jiang you tiao? Haven’t been eating that for breakfast for quite sometime man, wahhh suddenly have this huge craving for You Tiao Da Wang. *drools* (-_-;)

So, I actually came across this article sometime ago, and I found it pretty meaningful. It’s titled “Friendship is not a Hotel”, written by a local person. I can’t remember where I first saw this but it seems to be taken off the local newspaper. So anyway here’s an extract of the article.

You can’t just check out of a friendship when you enter into a relationship.

She used to be my classmate.

We shared the same hobbies, borrowed each other’s lecture notes and had long telephone conversations.

All that changed when she had a boyfriend. She would cancel our appointments whenever he asked her out.

The first time it happened, I shrugged it off and even squealed in excitement for her.

The second time it happened, I was annoyed but only remarked casually that I seemed to be on her B-list of friends.

The third time it happened, I swore never to ask her out again.

She did not make amends. I guess the growing distance between friends can’t be felt when one seems joined at the hip with one’s partner and have him as a companion for all of one’s activities. Then, they broke up. She called me in tears at midnight and I consoled her.

All was forgiven. It felt good to put aside petty misgivings and stand steadfastly by a friend in times of adversity. Isn’t that what friends are for?

Our friendship resumed. But when she found another man, suddenly, her weekends were reserved again. Whenever I called her, she sounded preoccupied and anxious to get off the phone. Later, she became completely incommunicado.

A year later, I got a call from her; she was distraught. She told me her boyfriend had dumped her and asked that we meet. I declined and ignored her subsequent calls.

I did not say what I was thinking: ‘My friendship is not a hotel. You don’t walk in and out, as and when you wish.’

No matter how head over heels in love I may be - and no matter how a man’s charm may make my hormones rage - it never gets to the point where he takes priority over my close friends.

It’s a no-brainer. My friends have proven their mettle and stuck with me through thick and thin, while he has merely entered the picture with goodness-knows-what intentions.

Even if I were married, being with my husband would still not override time spent with my close friends. I know of people who stop seeing certain friends or resort to seeing them on the sly just because their spouses do not approve of them doing so.

A spouse will never be able to support one’s emotional needs entirely and he or she has to understand that some of these needs will have to be met outside, by friends.

Friendship brings other problems. As my social circle widens, I find it increasingly difficult to discern who my real friends and fair weather ones are.

I often feel I am invited to parties and sought after as a friend for no other reason than that I am a journalist and can, hopefully, be a means to free publicity.

The more people I know, the lonelier I feel. I am a sentimental soul who prefers the comfort of old friendships which hark back to a time when I was simply Janice, minus the fancy title and trappings.

This is why I am not entirely sure that I did the right thing by quitting that friendship. Was I too demanding? Should I have given her a second chance?

After all, we really got along and it was not like she committed something treacherous like cheating me of my money, betraying a secret or stealing my boyfriend.

Still, I have had enough of being taken for granted. Being single and available does not mean my time is any less valuable than hers.

When it is consistently a case of one person giving and the other person taking, it is time to take stock of the friendship and, perhaps, call it quits.

Like courtship - or even more so - friendship requires time, effort and reciprocity.

While courting parties can demand commitment of each other directly, the expectations in a friendship are usually implicit, subtle and unsaid, and as a result, more prone to neglect.

You may love your friends very much, but if they don’t hear from you for an extended period of time, it’s only human nature that they wonder just how much you really care about them.

As the late civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr said: ‘In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.’

Don’t misunderstand me. Couples who are newly in love are naturally consumed by each other to the exclusion of everything - and everyone - else. I don’t begrudge that. I certainly didn’t expect my friend to pay as much attention to me as she did when she was single.

I also accept that when life exerts its pressures and one’s career picks up pace, some friendships fade away. But I would be happy to rekindle such friendships.

What I bristle at is being relegated to a nobody when romance calls and then being treated like some sort of stop-gap measure when it ends.

So let’s take some time out this week to have a drink with a dear old friend, say ‘How are you?’ and be sincerely interested in finding out how they are.

I have never been so busy or so popular to the extent that I have no time for an old friend.

Nor, I pray, will I ever be so.

My take on this issue? Exactly the same sentiments as the original writer. I haven’t read such a good article from a local writer in a long time and she has totally spoke my mind about how I felt about friendships. And yes, I sometimes do feel suffocated too, when I seemingly have alot of friends, yet I do not really know which ones are my true friends. Except for a few close ones, who had never once failed me in life, but that’s like what, only one or two out of my whole social circle?

As much as I would like to meet new people in my life, with either the same interests as me or just purely for the sake because he or she has some kind of chemistry with me and is interesting enough to hang out or chat with, I also sometimes fear at the thought of having a wide social circle. Because this somehow complicates your life in a way, or the other. Sometimes you do wonder, whether you’re doing things out of obligations just because they are asking you, or whether it’s because you are willing to do it simply because you really consider them as your true friends, thus it’s worthwhile for you to do anything for them?

It never feels good when a friend rejects you, when you ask him or her out. Genuinely you may have your own reasons for doing so; be it commitments like school or work. But for me I will always make it a point to make amendments. Not free today? We can always arrange some other day to catch up. I always make it a point to make amends if I’m not free on the day my friends ask me out, cause I would feel that just shrugging them aside isn’t a very good idea. They are there for you when you need them, so when they need you obviously you should do the same for them too. It’s a two-way thing, not one-sided effort. Ultimately you have to touch your own heart, and make known to yourself that a friendship consists of not only about your life, but that other half’s as well, your friend also known as your tomodachi. Remember, your friends will definitely appreciate you as a friend if you are willing to make time for them, if you are not even willing to make some time off your schedule for them, what kind of friend are you really?

忙，是不是最好用的借口。。。？

Heh, yet another one of those topics again that sets my mind in a twirl. I’m tired and I don’t wanna think so much about it already. However if you have any opinions on this issue that you would like to speak up, please feel free to comment in the comments page, I would be glad to hear some of my friends’ views on this issue as well.

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Anyway, I recently got to know 2 very nice girls, Angel and Lorraine through Friendster. Not that I’m really free nor desperate to go search for girls on Friendster mind you, but somehow they found me and after some chatting up, they seemed like very nice people to me. Angel is an anime-fanatic while Lorraine is a japanophile like me. And not to forget, both of us are Laruku fans as well, and she adores Hyde and his music very much as well like me. Oh and how can I not write about this, she has even published her own book before! No kidding, she was even featured in a Strait Times’ article before. Check out her website here. She’s a real talented gurl, sort of like my inspiration heh. You go gurl, rock on babe!

Anyway just now Angel was bitching to me just now that she is jobless now. I told her to look on the positive side of life, cause that means she has more time to spend with her bf and her loved ones now. I always tell myself to look at both sides of a situation, cause when something bad befalls on you, that’s the only way to console yourself. Ultimately life is short, so rather than be unhappy about something, I would always try to make the best out of it. Heh, if only I can think that positively in every matters of life. (^ ^);

Alrights, it’s late and I’m going out to chill tomorrow, so I’m off to bed now. Goodnight my friends, and enjoy the nice weekend ahead. I really really miss you guys man, hope to catch up with everyone of you soon after my exams. Martin, Jimmy (seizure), Jeremy, Kaiwei, Pris, Mitchelle, will catch up with you people soon!