Emotions: Perplexed Complexity. // 我的生活雑感。～橙思い日记本～

August 31, 2005

Unconditional Love

Ironically, I came across this passage from a book, yesterday night while I was doing some online searches, looking for some references tips on good continuous writing. It was also a pretty rocky Tuesday for me actually, had some pretty frivolous thoughts going in and out of my mind.

Quoting from the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom:

“Have I told you about the tension of opposites?” he says.
“The tension of opposites?”
“Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.”
“A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle.”
“A wrestling match.” He laughs.
“Yes, you could describe life that way.”
So which side wins, I ask?
“Which side wins?”
He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.
“Love wins. Love always wins.”

Life is really…such a mockery. After being mocked by fate, now I also get mocked by extracts from a book. Heh, can I say pwned?

Somehow, I think I screwed things up. The short-sightedness and the want for immediate gratification always gets the better of me. I should really sit down and think things through calmly, and not repeat such acts of having infantile thoughts again, ever.

So yesterday, I was actually telling her, I had a flip through at my horoscope book, titled “Your Personal Horoscope 2005” by Joseph Polansky. (I started collecting this series since 2003 by the way) And I read that for her horoscope, her greatest signs for most helpful in spiritual matters would be the Gemini and Virgo signs. As for the greatest signs for love and emotional matters, it would the Aries and Capricorn signs. So I was asking her does she think it’s kinda true, then she suddenly just had to bring up the topic I dreaded the most, that her sign and Virgos always had clashes, be it internal or emotional. Then I told her, I didn’t see anything about her sign having any incompatibility with Virgos, or for that matter. She said it doesn’t matter for which edition of horoscope year I’m reading, astrology is usually pretty standard, everything is predestined. My heart sank. I mean, I really didn’t expect her to be reading into horoscopes so seriously. As for myself, I’m pretty interested about astrology and all that, and I’m also actually a strong believer in it too. But I usually try not to read too much into it, after all it’s about having that chemistry, how much you can really click with the other person. And both of us can never deny that we do share alot of chemistry with each other, which is a good thing of course. But, as with any other real-life accounts, there is never a perfect someone that you would meet in life. Each and everyone of us has flaws, and it’s all about accepting for who he or she is, if you really fancy that person.

So our conversation ended quite ho hum yesterday night, it was one of the worst nights I ever had, ever since I got to know her. I was in a state of dysphoria. Anguish, pain, misery, all these emotions went through my mind a thousand and one times, and I couldn’t really sleep. And not to mention that before I woke up today, I had a pretty bad dream too, but I shan’t go into details about that, it would probably just bore you, and make myself seem rather silly too, after all it’s just a dream.

Sigh, I don’t wanna think about it already. Unconditional love? Love unreservedly? Do the terms even apply in real life in the first place? It sounds so cliched really, can we even love someone unconditionally, with no expectations or requirements. Afterall, this world is set by rules, played by rules. Even if you wanna love and make commitments with someone, you would have to play by his or her rules, or your own eventually. So tell me, how do you expect me to believe, such a ludicrous term here? And don’t even get me started on the term materialistic love, I can probably debate about that till there’s no day and night I tell ya. This is fucking irrational nonsensical, period.

You know, I suddenly feel so cheap. I try to tell myself, hey I’m just trying to be her friend here, I do not have ulterior motives. She trusts you too, you shouldn’t really take advantage of her trust or anything. Yet as days goes by, I find myself doing things which doesn’t concede with whatever I’m saying, and I feel like a fucking loser. And in the first place, she already told me she’s happy with her single life at the current moment, so why am I still pinning my hopes, on something that’s rightfully impossible? Why can’t we just be platonic friends? I know I have been procrastinating to myself, but my affections for her is just like a fucking great aphrodisiac, something that I can’t control or abstain myself from. So tell me, what solutions do I have? I’m just fucking deluding myself, with this kind of illusion.

This is fucking meaningless. I know all that I had wrote, doesn’t even change a thing, a single thing. But yet I still wrote this. This is so fuckingly amusing. monsieur aaron out kthxbye.

“Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Filed under: Emotions :: 11:56 pm
Doodle on me please? >>

10 Comments »

was having my dinner so i thot ill surf friends’ blog.. anyway nice blog page! i dunno wat to say but i feel dat 1 should follow the heart n not let the mind control u? is like…. adam n eve, adam knoes dat he is not allowed to eat the fruits from dat tree but his heart tempted him to do it! i guess all human beings are the same, u knoe u shouldnt haf done it but u jus wanna give it a try n see if u can suceed or not. is not really ur fault, neither should u feel like a loser… perhaps wat happened, happens for a reason or mayb its jus not the right time! jus breathe in n out…..

Comment by naomi — September 2, 2005 @ 8:04 pm

Konichiwa Ayato Kun A.K.A Ayato Beng ( siams aways =x )

Sugoi Blog desu , i like the orange color , it gives a bright,stylo and cheerful look.
I wanna say is , horoscope doesn’t mean anything , the heart is the soul of a relationship , just give HER some time. I am sure the ‘love’ will blossom.
Anyway, ganbate ne ~ see u on Fri ….
Ja~

Comment by BrandonSan — September 5, 2005 @ 12:56 pm

Naomi: Hey, thanks. =) I guess ba, sometimes we really can’t do rational things with just our heart. I’m just too emotional for my own good I guess? Haha…anyway thanks alot for dropping by, and yea I’m breathing right now, and love is just another kind of oxygen for me too. (^ ^)

Brandon: Thanks for the complements Brandon, and yea we’re just good friends right now, though I hope she will give me some time, to prove myself. Yea see ya on friday, take care!

Comment by monsieur aaron — September 5, 2005 @ 7:56 pm

happen to be surfing and came across your blog…

tuesdays… is one of my fave read… im into astrology & numerology too… & the verse from corithians is one of my fave verse…

i believe in this imperfect world of ours… unconditional love is buried in the core of the planet… if it exists… then it’s likened to Haley’s comet that appears in the sky to grace the mortals below of its magnificient light once every 76 yrs…

i treat love as a business venture… i want profits for my investment… thus, the concept of give-n-take… coz driving a one-way street is such a long, frustrating and lonely ride…

kewl insights… sweet blog… definite bookmark…

Comment by Free — September 7, 2005 @ 1:44 am

gomen nasai for pasting here… just wanna tell u before i forget…. haha

http://www.haoting.com/musiclist/ht_8780.htm

INITIAL J ALBUM

Piao Yi and Yi Lou Xiang Bei Included

just convert the wma file to mp3 can liaoz…

Haven fun blasting…. ja~

Comment by BrandonSan — September 7, 2005 @ 9:32 am

Free: Hey, it’s nice to see some anonymous visitor drop by my site occasionally, welcome welcome. (^ ^) Yeah, I’m considering to pick up that book soon, seems so inspirational, heh. And yeah, you read my mind, that corinthians verse is also one of my favs from the bible, you a christian too? And thanks for the complements, hope to see ya drop by again.

Brandon: Oh! His new album available liao? Thanks for the link man. *elated*

Comment by monsieur aaron — September 7, 2005 @ 12:52 pm

No problemo dude…

I think that album is release in Japan only , cos japanese gals are into Jay…
URL : http://jay-chou.net/forums/showthread.php?t=14032

Comment by BrandonSan — September 7, 2005 @ 1:58 pm

aaa dont be so hard on yourself lah. maye she’s jsut as confused as you.

Comment by grace — September 16, 2005 @ 10:55 am

Grace: it’s not about been hard on myself, I guess I’m just been too emotional sometimes? That I can’t seem to think and do things rationally, period. Lol, don’t wanna talk abt this already. I guess she’s trying to tell me we’re both 同類星座? Never mind, I’m prob just thinking too much into it. Heck it, 簡簡單單的生活,也可以很快樂!

Comment by monsieur aaron — September 16, 2005 @ 12:03 pm