“Our distrust is very expensive.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I trust everyone. I just don’t trust the devil inside them.” - Troy Kennedy as Martin, The Italian Job

All along in my life as far as I had realised this, in my dictionary there’s no such thing as an absolute, perfect sheer of trust. Either for anyone or for my friends who are close to me. However you always tend to give a level of trust to someone whom you think you can believe in, regardless of how close he or she is to you. And of course trust has to be earned, rather than given amiably based on some kind of bias kind of faith. But at certain times, even someone who seems the closest to you, does things unexpectedly that makes him or her more or less trusted. There are also things that may irrevocably destroy your trust in a person. And once trust is lost, it may be hard to earn back.

The above afore-mentioned subject, is written in the hope to let someone else whom I trust to understand, the way of things that works around in my life. Given that no matter how trival the issue was, no matter how it has affected our friendship, it’s all passe now. I have spoken to you, you had given your explaination, how we take off from here is all up to the both of us. And I still want to say this, the reason I bothered to clear this up with you, regardless of how serious it was, it’s because I take my friendships seriously, and because I know you value your friends too, so I wanna make things work. I may have over-reacted pior to the matter, and somehow if you think I was selfish with my thoughts in the first place, let’s just say the scenario I had in my mind was all a misunderstanding, so if you felt that I had accused you of something I shouldn’t, here’s my apology again to you, I’m so sorry. (let bygones be bygones ya?)

On the other hand, I can’t believe that blasphemy poser maligned me in his blog again. And I think the guys were right afterall, this guy always likes to comment stuffs even though it’s not related to him at all. I mean HELLO CMON lah, please go get a life. Don’t you have anything else better to do than to speak evil of someone else? Do you really derive so much pleasure from writing gossips about people? I certainly do not wish to use this chance to spill your beans about your ugly stories again, even though you certainly have a huge backlog of history I can write about but I choose not to, cos it’s simply unsatisfying and I would be so silly to waste my time writing about you, when I have so much else to do. And for once, oh please why would I give treats for my own good and use it as a handle against others? Like I said, I do small monetary favours for my friends out of goodwill, nothing more than that. And if you would recalled, when you asked for a working keyboard, I gave one to you. When you need help for your website, I offered to help you with it and I did, and I didn’t ask for anything in return. Go touch your own conscience before you throw your verbally abusive words at me. And like I said earlier on to you, if you want things to patch up between the both of us, you jolly well know your off-limits, and not do things like spouting verbal nonsense like this. All I can say is you simply disgust me, so fuck off please. My impression of you just went down another notch, if you’re interested to know.

Ok I’m off to lunch. Today’s such a nice fine day so I shouldn’t spoil my day. Later everyone! (^_^)ノ”"

Was chatting with Lydia over MSN just now. Some happy stuffs. Some depressing matters. And some that reminded me of the disappointment I had some years ago, but it doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s all past-tense now. But somehow, some memories still stay vividly clear in my mind, haunting back at me at unexpected moments like this.

Come to think of it, it’s already been almost 11 months since I had a relationship with a girl. I should probably pull myself out of this soon. But I have been trying, it’s not like I haven’t tried at all. It just seems so hard, so much harder than I expected. I really want to open up my heart to someone, some girl who is worth my love, worthy of my undying love for her. But on the contrary, I seem to be the one who is the tough nut to crack, who just push anyone away who tries to get close to me, on personal terms. Sometimes I feel rather hesitant, when it comes to relationship matters. Everything just seems so adverse, so unruly for me.

That said, I don’t think I can pledge myself to any love commitments at the moment. Because other than been affected emotionally, I would also be affected on the whole, both financially and physically too. Financially, I would try to provide the best for my girl, supporting her. And that means probably I have to skimp or get a perm part-time job, just to meet the ends for both me and her comfortably. Physically, I still think I’m rather weak and thin and I don’t have what it takes to protect someone I love. I did learnt Aikido before but that’s like only for the basic learnings and so aeons ago, so consider that omitted. (blah)

Still, I’m happy for those happily in-bliss couples among my friends, happily blessed in clover. It’s good to know some of your friends are enjoying a hell of a good love life, and you’re blessing them with bliss. And I’m certainly happy for one of my good buddy, Shaun. Think he has finally found his right one after such a long time. Lord Bread, ya hear me? Will be patiently waiting for the day to come for your invitation card to your wedding with Jun, hehe. (^_^)V

Hrms guess I will go crash my bed now. And I’m so happy that I would be meeting Pris for dinner tomorrow evening, then gonna meet the rest of the guys at Cathay Cineleisure tomorrow for Madagascar (edit: didn’t watch in the end =/) . Good night everyone oyasumi nasai.

I downloaded and watched this flick a few days ago, it’s based on an adaptation of the popular manga series by Go Nagai, whose works mainly drew rave criticisms though they were typically controversial, consisting of very violent and risque content. Sad to say, I haven’t really read any of his works, so I’m not really a fan or reader of him, even though I’m a manga fan myself. Nagai’s most famous work was Devilman, which was first released in 1972, then later produced and made into animated form. (1 TV series and 2 OVAs were made to my knowledge) The main protagonist is a young man called Akira Fudo, who has a shy personality with a kind heart, but was often bullied in school due to his kindness and the purity of his soul. But one day his fate was changed, when his world was invaded by demons. His good friend, Ryo Asuka convinces him that the only way to subdue the demons, is to join their minds and bodies to a demon’s, so that they can assimilate its powers and become devilmen themselves. Unwillingly, Akira’s fate was sealed when a demon bird called Amon awakens from its long sleep and Akira succeeds in acquiring the demon’s powers by possessing the body of it, and due to his purity of his soul, he was able to control the demon within him, instead of letting the demon’s soul overcome him, thus becoming Devilman, the union of Amon, the Lord of Darkness and Akira Fudo himself. This came as a surprise for Ryo Asuka, on the contrary he thought Akira wouldn’t be able to successfully control the demon, Amon within himself. The truth is Ryo is actually Satan’s incarnation, and all the sudden appearance of the demons are planned by him, he was the actual mastermind behind all these. Interesting story? And from what I read, the OVA animation are indeed very violent and bloody, rivalling to the likes of Berserk and Ninja Scroll. Hrms so do I recommend this movie? Yes, even if you’re not a manga fan of the series. Just watching for the CG alone for this movie flick is justified enough for me, this movie has some of the nicest CG effects I have ever seen in a movie, like the transformation of Akira into Devilman, and the intense post-apocalypse battle between Devilman (Akira) and Satan (Ryo) themselves. And how can I forget about oh-so-beautiful Ayana Sakai, who plays Akira’s love interest in the movie, as Miki Makimiura. She isn’t really a new actress, saw her back in the highly acclaimed flick Battle Royale 2 as well as in the tennis-related japanese drama series Ace Wo Nerae.

Hrms, on the other hand, I seem to have gotten out of the ‘Star Wars’ craze already. Not really crazy about the show anymore, I guess it’s also because there’s nothing more to look forward to, the saga has finally ended. Oh, so you were saying that I didn’t do a review for it? But I figured that if you really wanted to read reviews for it you wouldn’t had come to read my blog in the first place, and what’s more there are plenty of sites out there for you to read upon for the impressions for Episode 3: Revenge Of The Sith, am I right? Well all I can say is, it did lived up to my expectations, but I didn’t really liked the flow of the story as it is, and somehow it didn’t really felt like a two hours and twenty minutes show to me, I just couldn’t feel the flow or pace at all. (?!) (-_-)”’

Anyway, had a pretty boring Saturday. Was actually gonna meet Henry for coffee in town today since we haven’t like catch up for a long time, but he said he was gonna start on his new job this weekend, aww such concidence. It was only for weekends though, so I figured that asking him out during weekends is out I guess, promised to catch up with him some other day. Then yesterday night was asking Jimmy wanna go out and chill only, he tell me he’s broke, and just wants to go Gamescore to chill. *faints* And I was like, eh is Gamescore the only place we can hang out and chill, why do we always have to go there like every Saturday? (or precisely, why Sats!) Then I was like argh, you jolly well know the crowd there on weekends, and somemore during Sats there will be this particular guy I don’t wish to see there, and yet he wants to go there. (-_-)”’ So in the end I told him, can we like go other places, if not it’s out for me. Sorta got into a trival arguement with him because of that. But my point is, if you’re really broke, I can always offer to pay first, you can pay me back later. Everyone who knows me well, knows I do small monetary favours for my friends, regardless of his or her status and I don’t expect any returning favours either. (Eh Shaun if ya reading this, I’m sure you can vouch for me for this right?) But he, been the one giving the excuse that he’s plain broke, doesn’t want to go anywhere that needs to spend money on. So I was like fine, I told him I won’t force him, forsake the plans for going out then. (but inside of course I was like pissed off, like show me attitude liao, of course I’m pissed lah) Then later on when I cool down and think about it, I decided that perhaps he was really broke, and I should really be understanding about it. But I really don’t like to hang out at Gamescore for nothing, you know? It’s not like I really adore games now, I think other than touching my PSP and NDS occasionally, I haven’t been playing any games on my PC and PS2 lately, in fact it’s been a long time since I played any games on my home consoles.

But then, something hit me hard today that really left quite a bad impression in me, about him. Earlier on today, Val smsed and asked me if I was interested in watching Madagascar on Monday. I initially didn’t ask him who else was going, so I merely told him that I was interested, but do let me know the timeslot for the show first. Soon thereafter he confirmed with me that it would be an evening timeslot for the show, so I was ok for it and told him to count me in. Then just now a few hours ago, when Val chatted with me online in MSN and was telling me the time for the show, I casually just asked him who else was gonna join us for the show on Monday. When he mentioned that Jimmy was joining us, I was like stunned. But I didn’t ask him anything else further, cos it was just a trival matter. But deep inside me, I know I was hurt. So is that all lies or what? The matter of fact that you told me you were broke, and I believed you. Then now you pulled out this kind of stunt. So how do you expect me to trust you again, as a friend? (…)

I probably should just forget abt all this, forget about trustworthy friends, forget about everything. Everytime, some point in my life, I get to know this kind of stucked up people, who just spill excuses and lies to cover up for themselves, regardless of either at the expense of myself or anything else. And I’m totally sick of it. Really sick of it. But no, I won’t turn to the dark side or anything, because of this. I still have my girl buddy, I still have my friends whom I trust, who never failed me before. Having these people as my friends, are definitely good enough. I shouldn’t ask for too much, desires will only kill and push a person to his or her limits.

I believe I have a devil inside me, but I’m still within control of myself, just like Devilman. Good night everyone.

I will be catching the final episode of the Star Wars saga in less than 24 hours time. Finally the epic saga series of more than 20 years old finally comes to a conclusion, with this episode leading to Episode IV: A New Hope. And with loads of reviews already out for this movie, reviewers and critics have said that this episode which is titled Episode III: The Revenge Of The Sith truly delivers what every single Star Wars fans have been hoping and waiting for. So the hype is not built up for nothing, I certainly think that I will not be disappointed this time round (unlike in Episode I & II) , and will definitely be in for a good roller-coaster ride of my life. *elated*

And in case you were wondering, what was actually the course of actions and innovations that made George Lucas exposed his ingenious ideas and stories about the saga upon the big screen? It was actually about the entire Skywalker family. As we can see, Episode I to III is an insight into the roots of Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker. Because back in the earlier days of Episode IV, V and VI, everyone sees this cool dark-claded with black armour and helmet-mask guy, and keeps asking and wondering who is actually the guy behind that mask, why is he so mysterious and so powerful in terms of the force. That was the reason that prompted George Lucas to make Episode I to III back then, but due to the lack of technology power and insufficient funds he had to hold back his project plans. It was only in the late 90s then did he realised that technology has finally caught up and he was able to bring his long-awaited visions to life on the big screens with a touch of reality to it. (I read that it was the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park by Steven Spielberg that convinced him about the technology advances) That’s all I know, as a fan of Star Wars series though I don’t really deem myself very hardcore, but I really do love the whole Star Wars saga, back then as a kid and even now, as a young adult. I could still barely remember those nostalgic scenes back then when I watched Episode IV, V and VI, that was when I was still in my primary school days as a young child. The nostalgic images of both Darth Vader and Yoda still stays clearly in my mind back in my younger days, and I’m glad that Episode I, II and III are the answers to my doubts and curiosity to those questions that I had about the Star Wars saga when I was a kid. I also think that Episode III will be the most emotional episode out of the whole saga series, as I had already read some parts of the script of the movie. From what I had gathered, in this episode we will get to see how deep Anakin Skywalker will steep as his fear for Padme’s death in his nightmares realises, and the emotional confusion of his dilemma of being torn in-between the Jedi Order he belongs to and his confidante Palpatine/Darth Sidious, whom he tries to lure him towards the dark side of the force. And I can’t wait to see the lightsabre duel battles in this episode, it’s touted to have the most lightsabre battles in any episode of the Star Wars saga.

Before I end tonight’s entry, there’s this quote by Yoda , that I found it to be very true in terms of its meaning, and yet surprisingly shares a shockingly true resemblance of its entire meaning when applied to our daily lives. What a sad quote.

“Careful you must be when sensing the future. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side. Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”
– Yoda

And so, the creativity never ends. Like this picture? Caught this on my Nokia 7610 sometime back. There’s rarely a chance when during my MRT rides do I come across something that catches my eye like that, really like the meaning of the picture. A bummer I didn’t bring my camera out with me on that day, so I just merely took a shot at it with my handphone cam instead. Turns out to be pretty good, and I like it, and I think it’s my favorite photo I have taken so far with my handphone camera.

Anyway, I’m pretty sleepy as I’m typing this, didn’t realised it was THIS late as I was busy chatting with Lydia on MSN until it struck me that, she said she’s having morning church service tomorrow at 9.30AM, and I was also supposed to wake up for church service tomorrow. (-_-)” Oh my, I will definitely look like a walking zombie tomorrow, lmao. So while I’m busy chatting with her online, I figured that I would do some updates for my blog, before I head to bed. So tadaa, here I am.

Anyway, some good news and bad news, either way it has affected my life drastically. Bad news first. My 3 years old Canon IXUS V3 PNS camera has finally broken down. Something was wrong with the CCD censor, everything shows up distorted whenever I tried to take pictures with it, though the lens and LCD screen are still alright. I haven’t called to make an inquiry about what’s the cost to fix it, but it definitely ain’t gonna be cheap, knowing from my camera experience. So time to settle for a DSLR? I was hoping to, but I really want something small and sleek to bring out, and yet takes decent picture with manual controls. Oh well, guess I can’t have best of both worlds. Need to make up my mind fast, it’s either Canon IXUS 700 or one of those Nikon or Canon DSLRs. Either way, it’s not gonna be a cheap investment for me. Was thinking if I really have to buy a new camera, I might have to work part-time to pay back my parents for it. Didn’t really want to splurge on something so expensive and yet rely on my parents for it, I really prefer to work it out by myself. Hrms decisions decisions.

So what about the good news? Well the good news is, I’m finally catching Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith (Digital) next friday, at Cathay Cineleisure. And that’s like what, finally? I had been waiting for this movie for like months since it was announced, with all that trailers on-going and showing, my anticipation for this movie is definitely very high. I’m really hyped up for this movie, and I really hope it doesn’t fail my expectations. And I’m also actually feeling very sorry, cos Jeremy and Kaiwei actually wanted to watch this with me, but I had to reject them cos I had already promised to watch with my other friends. So I’m really sorry about it if you guys are reading this, promise will catch up with you guys soon if there’s a chance? ^ ^”

So things aside, I recently caught up with Liz over MSN. Haven’t like chatted with her for quite a long time, since the last time when we chatted, was like years ago when ICQ was still in its ‘hey-days’. She’s actually an online friend of my, whom we share alot of akin jpop music interest and cultures alike, and not to mention both of us are actually very ardent ex-SPEED fans. So we were like catching up on each other lives, and oh my time really flies. Anyway, found out she has abandoned her erikogenki project ever since Eriko Imai got married (read: kakkoi) and her official FC in Japan was disbanded. Since that she has started her new project, which is about Goto Maki. I haven’t been keeping with Maki-chan activities, but it’s good to know she has changed so much ever since she graduated from MM and went solo, she looks so kawaii now and pretty slimmed down too, which is a good thing. Anyway Liz was nice enough to provide scans of her latest PB for me and I was really elated after seeing Maki-chan’s latest photobook works, she looks really really gorgeous and has this really ‘alluring’ aura around her now. I have attached a pic below of her latest PB’s front cover, do take a look.

Anyway, I went shopping at Queensway last Sunday with Jimmy and gang, was particularly hunting for a new pair of Nike shoes. My current Nike Air Jordan IX is pretty much fucked, the bottom rubber actually came off. I can still wear it now, but it looks and feels really weird, and I don’t like it. So I’m on the quest for a new pair of Nike shoes again, after all it has served me well for abt 3 years. (ironically the same amount of the time as my camera, bah) And after some shopping and searching around, I finally came across with 2 pairs of Nike shoes that caught my eye, and after some searching around, I found out they were under the Nike Vandal series which features some of the nicest shoes designs (and with leather, waterproof editions etc) that has ever graced upon the Nike label. Unfortunately, they were not as cheap as the online prices that I found here, but I guess that won’t stop me from buying it. I took some pictures of the designs that caught my eye, perhaps lemme know how you think of them? Will be getting either one pair of it later this month.

Guess that’s about it, it’s almost 5AM now and I should sleep. Oyasumi minna and take care everyone! (^_^)ノ”"

Was waiting for my Season 2 of episodes 21 and 22 of The O.C TV series to finish downloading on my BT client right now (Oh yea double episodes, we love you Orange County!) so I reck’on I will blog some to kill time. I was dying for some O.C goodness since last week as there wasn’t any airing of the TV series due to the airing of the speech of the US president on their TV network that replaced the programme slot last week, which was what I heard. And gasp, at the end of episode 20, can you believe it….that Marissa and Ryan kissed? I was like OMGWTFBBQ, and without concluding anything, the episode just ended like that. So obviously I was dying to find out what will happened btw both of them. (that’s like so an obvious question duh) Anyway I believe Janet who has just finished her exams recently would be as excited as me, as she’s also an absolute O.C fan just like me. Right gurl? (Drop me a taggy if ya here?) *winks*

So things aside, today was a rather reckless day for me. Didn’t really had the mood to study, so I pretty much just slacked off today. But it was a rather groovy night for me, as I had several new albums to accompany me with. I also had the chance to borrow from my sis Jolin’s new album to rip it into my PC, and boy am I impressed after listening to it. In regards to the album’s new look of Jolin, I can say I really like her image in this album this time. Her previous albums’ image (ever since she joined Sony Music, Kan Wo 72 Bian album onwards) looks are just a little too much for me, either too ‘fantasy’ or ‘just trying too hard to be a princess’ kind of thing. And I think now she is becoming more of like a sexy vixen, she has that really appealing look to me now. Haha ok, maybe I’m crapping too much details, but just judge for yourself. For those who haven’t seen her latest album look, below attached is a picture which I found from her site. (Click here to check out her official site)

So my review and verdict on this album? I say I would give it 4 out of 5 stars. On the whole, this album is really quite nice, a rather typical pop-ish album generally, but with Jolin’s strong signature tracks in it. (consisting of R&B and slow-ballad tracks mainly) For songs recommendation, I would recommend tracks like Ye Man You Xi, Oh Oh and Xu Yuan Chi De Xi La Shao Nu which are really nice catchy tracks. Nothing too outstanding this time, but yeah I like the unique and catchy tracks from this album.

Ok, guess that’s all for tonight. More to come, later everyone and have a nice weekend ahead! (^_^)V

Oh gawd. Why must it happen upon me again. Sigh, having that kind of enraging emotions again. Really, really sucks, period.

Probably all that talk abt r/s stuff with Pris a few days ago when we met was the cause of it. She was on some rocky situation with her bf again, but alas everything is ok now, and I’m glad for her. But somehow all these had some adverse effects on me, and I don’t know why. Lately have been thinking about her very much, and I thought that I had gotten over her, but boy I was wrong. It seems that all these while, she has been in my heart afterall, lingering somewhere. All the while I’m actually just deceiving myself and my emotions, and deceived I was.

I hope I will be fine after a few days. And these days gaming has rather little effects on me. I can’t even seem to enjoy playing games anymore now. Maybe I’m growing up? Into another stage in life? I certainly hope not, cos I don’t like it, or at least I don’t like what I’m feeling right now.