Yes my friends and readers, I’m finally doing some updates for my blog (it’s right about time). This is turning out to be very ridiculous, it’s like I’m only doing updates twice per month, trying to cut myself some slack. OMG…where on earth did my writing enthusiasm go? This is seriously bad and I hate myself, but partly also due to the fact there’s nothing new to update about my life currently, yet.

Ok I admit. So I’m was just rather depressed recently. Trying to sort some things out in my life, particularly my studying route or path for that matter. On the contrary I may seem indifferent, nonchalant to matters like these. But recently I seem to have gotten some wake-up call from someone (Jesus perhaps?) that it’s really time to do some serious planning about it, instead of having that kind of uncertainty about my future. People who know me long and well enough, will usually just deem me as someone whom can take things easily, happy-go-lucky kind of person. People who don’t know me well, judging from my appearance and accessory that I own and have, will just view and judge me as an ‘ah sia kia‘, if you get what I mean. The truth is, I’m not. I really want to stand on my own feet and do everything by my own independence, but I just currently don’t have the strength nor ability to that’s all. Maybe that’s just an excuse, but I really wished that I could support myself, and not live off my parents. Not having to pay for my handphone/internet bills is truly a breeze and a blessing for many, but I really don’t feel good nor proud about it. I have a friend who is currently same age as me, just ORDed back in Jan this year. He did his private A’s at YMCA just before he went into NS, and now after NS he’s not even making plans to enter uni nor planning to step out to society for work. He’s basically living off his parents and yes he’s rich, no doubt about that. Gonna get his first car which is the Mitsubishi Evolution IX releasing in July this year, a prezzie from his mum. Compared to him, it’s like one heaven and earth. But my point is not this. I could never figured out why he doesn’t have his own dreams and ambition, to accomplish himself or succeed himself with a career or something. Am I thinking too far for my age? I don’t really think so. Then again, he doesn’t really need to worry about living expenses, so probably he wouldn’t feel the need to work unless his family ends up in dire need; dire poverty for that matter. *touch wood*

So matters aside, back to my story. I recently checked out several options for my studying route. My original plans was to head for NAFA, to study visual comm/arts. I have this strong interest in media and design and so far after doing some decent research, NAFA’s School of Visual Arts fits my criteria. But the problem is, I don’t fit their entry requirements. They recently had this open house thingy and I went, the environment and place is great. But my heart sank when I figured out I couldn’t fit for their entry requirements. This kind of feeling, it’s like I totally lost hope and faith in something I had always believed in. I’m utterly disappointed and angry with myself, for the fact that I didn’t study hard enough back then, and for not doing anything about it while I was serving my NS. I can still try for the special entry panel though, with my portfolio through the interview. But I seriously doubt I will make it, or you could just say I don’t have the confidence that I would make it pass the interview. So my plans and alternatives for now? To take up private O’s and sit for the O levels exam this year, or head for higher dip at MDIS or somewhere else. Just thinking about the alternatives, fucked my mind out of it. Firstly, with my current dip in IT with Informatics, I could never make it in the IT industry if I would to look for a job, and also I did’t really wanna go into IT, I have basically lost my interest for it, not going into programming or networking for that matter. Secondly, if I would to hold on to my original plans for my studies at NAFA, it would mean wasting one year, taking my O levels, and waiting for the 2006 NAFA intake, which would mean alot to me, since I’m not considered very young anymore. Which means, by the time I complete my dip at NAFA, I would be 26 years old. Following up with the degree route, if taken full-time it would mean I will get my degree after one year, if not two years if taken part-time. the 4 or 5 years route of studying would probably mean investing alot of my precious time and hardwork into it, not to mention my parent’s money too. So all these planning and time thing, actually kinda racked my brains. I seem to have made up my mind though, pretty much sticking to my original plan of heading to NAFA. But if I take this route, it also means I have to find somewhere to study for my O’s this year, and having to find a part-time job too (I wanna try to finance myself independently). Ahh just thinking and planning about all these sure has definitely killed aplenty of my brain cells and tickled my brains. But I figured that I really don’t wanna let myself down again, and also not wanting to disappoint my parents, afterall they were the ones who brought me into this world, so I should make them proud.

Sigh, guess I should cheer up. Been pretty much depressed for the past few days over this matter, but I think I’ve made up my mind pretty much. Just wish me luck and I hope I will pass my O’s this year with flying colors. (^ ^)” Ok I’m off for dinner, signing out adios folks!