First of all, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Wan Shi Lu Yi (Shinen Omedetto) to all my friends and readers reading this, it’s this time of the year again. The first day of CNY was good, collected lotsa ang baos, though I’m still quite surprised I’m not yet that eager to go open them up and count the overall amount I’ve gotten. (Yup I haven’t counted them!) Anyway I believe that Chinese New Year is not only about collecting ang baos and enjoying good food, it’s all about sharing the special occasion and having that bond with the family and relatives. So for the next few days I hope to spend some quality time with my family, my Mum has the whole week off till next Mon, so actually this is a good time to spend time with my family since I don’t get to go out with them often unlike my sis.

So CNY aside, today is also a special day for one of my closest friend, Priscilla. Hey happy birthday to you gurl, may all your wishes come true, bliss and happiness be with ya. Don’t forget to invite me to your wedding if you ever decide to get married this year with Weirong ok? *Grins* Ok ok no teasing, but after seeing you surviving a rough patch with him recently, I’m glad to see things are turning out fine for the both of you. Just take it easy and enjoy the company between the both of you while you still can ya? Life is short and if you trust him, just let nature take its course, eventually one day everything will be sorted out. Also on this very special day of yours, I just wanna say I’m really glad to have met you, it’s surprising how a simple stumbling upon each other’s blog can lead to a deep friendship like ours. You go gurl, enjoy yourself on this special day with him ya?

So happy stuffs aside, somehow I’m feeling kind of weird, especially during this time of the year. Somehow it dawns on me that this is still like last year. I still can vividly remember during this time last year, I was really looking forward to my ORD day. Samuel just starting clearing his leave I think, since he’s ORDing in April. Promised to catch up with him soon since he’s more free now, haven’t seen him in awhile. Anyway things aside, I’m really missing my friends. People like Jerm, Shaun, Janet, Cynthia, Ai Lee, Henry, Jon and alot more. It’s really been some time since I saw them and I really kinda missed them. But well life’s like that, you know friendships are bound to be afar at times, and it’s hard for friendships to survive like this, due to busy schedule and all. Somehow somehow, I really do hope I will appreciate my friends more in future, and vice versa. It’s really heart-wrenching to know some friends take friendships for granted, and it hurts you even more when they don’t treasure you unlike yourself. Just that day I was talking to Jerm online in IRC, and we got into a small dispute, a minor quarrel or debate actually. And can you believe it, it was actually over NS. Yes National Service, I can’t believe I spoke up and debated over this blardly stewpig topic. Granted I was engulfed in my own emotions and opinions, I still felt that he was kinda selfish, to push everything and the blame that he doesn’t have enough time to catch up with his friends due to his responsibility as an RP while serving NS. Ok so maybe I was alittle carried off with my words, but then again I meant what I said. Then again, like he said it’s just his unit, his very ‘fiaked up’ unit. With such a life in there, it would be understanding that one would turn mad under such a circumstance living a life like that in there. So perhaps next time, I should be more forgiving and understanding with my words. Maybe only the person itself would be able to understand it, on-lookers wouldn’t understand a shite about it. So am I in the wrong actually to comment about it? Maybe I am. I’m so often criticised that I rashly for my own actions, probably cos I get too carried away with my own emotions and feelings at times. Anyway Jerm if you’re reading this, no hard feelings ya? It was all for our own good, I just wanted us to catch up and spend time together that’s all, you know how I feel. (Boku wa kimochi desu?) Maybe I tend to be selfish with my own feelings at times, but you know the reason behind it. And probably like what you said, you would only be truthfully happy only after you’re out of NS. Then again I just want you to have a positive outlook while you’re still serving your NS, it’s still your responsibility as a NSF afterall. Hope you understand.

Awhile ago in IRC, I had a small discussion with a couple of my friends. Basically we concluded, some people practise ‘double standards’. Double personalities even, it’s rather apparent among your friends, if you noticed it carefully. Now my question is, why would anyone do that? Can’t you be more truthful to yourself? To your feelings? Then again, speaking or expressing yourself directly and freely, is often seen as an act of foolishness or stupidity. You’re just plain selfish to say whatever you feel like, without giving a damn shite about how others would feel about it, how people close to you would feel about it, maybe even getting hurted by your comments directly or indirectly. It’s just like love, we all understand that somehow throughout the process, we will expectingly be getting hurted in a way or the other, you or the other opposite sex. But knowing that still we will endlessly try and hope, working hard towards something known as our ‘perfect’ love idealogy. Sounds familiar to you?

Somehow, living in this world tend to make me wonder about lotsa things. I wonder why in life are we bound to have so much questions regarding life, and we have to go through various hardships, ‘ups and downs’ to understand the meaning of it. Doubts. Assumptions. All of us have had it. But we are still mindlessly searching the answer for it. Good gracious, it’s like a neverending storybook, except that when we die, the story comes to the end.

I should sleep. This kind of topic makes my heart heavy, my mind troubled. As much as one would like to live freely and carefree, so often are we bounded by circumstances or boundaries that wouldn’t allow us to, simply because we are living in this world. Even if living with an idealogy created by anyone…somehow one day a new problem or issue will arise. It’s then up to us again, to determine and wreck our minds on how to resolve it. Now do you understand, why there are such people, such as Hitler, mindlessly dreaming about creating his ‘ideal’ idealogy and world, as a dictator? Because if you don’t, I actually do. Good nite everyone.