Emotions: Perplexed Complexity. // 我的生活雑感。～橙思い日记本～

January 24, 2005

Escapism

Haven’t been updating this for awhile. Nothing worth blogging about. My life’s in such a mess now, I don’t even know where to start from. So many things to get done and started with. Worries. Worrying for my entry to NAFA. Worrying about losing touch with my friends. Worried about my inner self, I seem like I’m another person now, not the monsieur aaron that I know of before. Time changes everything, so do people. Probably that’s what they meant by defecting our beliefs within time. You hold on to your beliefs so strongly at one time, only to have it shattered when someone else proves you wrong. That fragile feeling, how reminiscent.

Quoting from the game Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, “Why do we defect?” Just because we’re been loyal to ourselves, or for someone or for that ‘true purpose’? We hold on to that strong belief, that something we strongly believed in, only to have someone proven us wrong, shattering those beliefs we held on to. Realising the flaws, we defect ourselves to another theory, another belief. That’s no right or wrong, it’s all about taking different sides of stories and holding up to ourselves. Relinquish the facts, accepting the ‘truth’ behind everything, while brain-washing ourselves with that kind of purpose, that ‘loyalty’. Why? I hate living this kind of life, does it always have to be love or hate? Issues like this are bothering me, and I totally hate it.

Yesterday night, I asked God in my dreams, what I should do. And I’ve gotta some conclusion and answers from the great almighty him. Praise the almighty Lord, thank Jesus you are always there for me. =))

Learning that we cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
Learning that it is not good to compare ourselves to others.
Learning to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
Learning that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those we love, and that it can take many years to heal them.
Learning that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
Learning that there are people who love us dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings.
Learning that two people can look at the same thing, and see it differently.
Learning that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.

I am so wanting to escape. Blow me away with your love Jesus.