…with Satomi Ishihara. Of course, what were you expecting then? Definitely am not jumping into another new relationship with some girl for the time-being, period. Relationships are a definite no-no for me right now, cause it’s like having a heavy rock tied to my own body, full of heavy burdens. Been so emotionally weak, I doubt I would be able to survive another heart-breaking hazard course without even contemplating about suicide. *touch wood*

So who is she you might ask? Definitely not your typical japanese idol. Don’t believe me? Will present you people some screenies as proof later. Things aside, I’ve recently gotten myself back to the jdrama craze. Honestly I haven’t touched any jdrama since after ‘Good Luck‘ by Takuya Kimura and Kou Shibasaki, which is quite a while back (watched it in 2003). Since then I haven’t really picked up any jdramas to watch, one of the reasons is also because its practically impossible to buy any jdramas off the local market unless you import in online. But with BitTorrent available now, things were much easier. So I searched for some new dramas just released in Japan, and this drama called ‘H2‘ caught my eye. It was the casting roles that caught my eye at first, as I recognised two names from the cast names. One of them was Yui Ichikawa, who is a swimsuit gravure idol/singer that debuted back in 2002, and ever since then I’ve been checking out and following her works. Another one was Takayuki Yamada. I first noticed this guy from the jdrama ‘Long Love Letter‘ back in 2001 starring Takako Tokiwa and Kubozuka Yosuke in it. He was just acting as a minor role as one of the students, but his acting was kinda good, so somehow he caught my eye. H2 was not his first major role in a jdrama, after having checked out his portfolio of works recently, but it’s one of his bigger roles nonetheless. And like I said, with someone like Yui Ichikawa in it, how can I not watch? I haven’t caught any of her jdrama series before, so this was the time to check out hows her acting etc.

Anyway, after watching two episodes of ‘H2′, I can say I’m kinda impressed. This is the kind of jdrama that will let you experience the warmth and flow within the characters involved in the story-plot. I forgotten to mention about this too, but perhaps if you’re a manga/anime fan, you would have noticed that H2 this title may seem familiar to you. You’re not wrong, this was based on the popular base-ball manga/anime series by Mitsuru Adachi. I haven’t personally checked out the anime series myself, it’s a rather old series I think (produced back in 1994) but I think I will definitely take time to check out the series since I’ve heard some rave reviews abt this anime. So having said that, I can say I really like this jdrama. In fact I think I have hit on a good one for a restart, this is a rather good jdrama to boot with for the year. I haven’t really been watching much jdramas recently but I do have a picky taste, I pick what I watch, be it for animes or dramas, same like-wise for movies. Jdrama fans shouldn’t miss this really, it’s a new drama that just started showing this month on TBS Japan. If you’re on Starhub’s MaxTV service, I’m sure you won’t have any difficulty in catching this series every thursday.

So enough of the long-winded crapology, let me present you the screenies and you judge it for yourself. If this one can let me feel the urge to play base-ball (I’ve always wondered why in Singapore no-one ever talks about this sport) and also make my heart melt (complicated love tangles beats unrequited love triangle anyday) then I’m sure it will also do for you.

(more…)

Haven’t been updating this for awhile. Nothing worth blogging about. My life’s in such a mess now, I don’t even know where to start from. So many things to get done and started with. Worries. Worrying for my entry to NAFA. Worrying about losing touch with my friends. Worried about my inner self, I seem like I’m another person now, not the monsieur aaron that I know of before. Time changes everything, so do people. Probably that’s what they meant by defecting our beliefs within time. You hold on to your beliefs so strongly at one time, only to have it shattered when someone else proves you wrong. That fragile feeling, how reminiscent.

Quoting from the game Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, “Why do we defect?” Just because we’re been loyal to ourselves, or for someone or for that ‘true purpose’? We hold on to that strong belief, that something we strongly believed in, only to have someone proven us wrong, shattering those beliefs we held on to. Realising the flaws, we defect ourselves to another theory, another belief. That’s no right or wrong, it’s all about taking different sides of stories and holding up to ourselves. Relinquish the facts, accepting the ‘truth’ behind everything, while brain-washing ourselves with that kind of purpose, that ‘loyalty’. Why? I hate living this kind of life, does it always have to be love or hate? Issues like this are bothering me, and I totally hate it.

Yesterday night, I asked God in my dreams, what I should do. And I’ve gotta some conclusion and answers from the great almighty him. Praise the almighty Lord, thank Jesus you are always there for me. =))

Learning that we cannot make anyone love us. All we can do is let ourselves be loved.
Learning that it is not good to compare ourselves to others.
Learning to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
Learning that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those we love, and that it can take many years to heal them.
Learning that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
Learning that there are people who love us dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings.
Learning that two people can look at the same thing, and see it differently.
Learning that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.

I am so wanting to escape. Blow me away with your love Jesus.

Today is her special day, her 20th birthday. Somehow I’ve not forgotten about it. Ironically 5 months ago on this very day of the month, it was our very special day. I can still remember those sweet and happy moments we shared together, how both of us enjoyed that sweet bus ride home, how I enjoyed sending her home everytime, how she teased me etc.

It’s surprising how I’ve refrained from speaking about her in my blog for quite awhile, and yet when I start writing abt her in my blog, all those emotions, all those feelings I had before, just gradually all came back. It really doesn’t matter anymore, akin to Jay Zhou’s 安靜 song lyrics would describe, I will just learn to forget her and gradually plurge her out of my memories, out of myself one day. Neither will I go try and be Mr. Nice Guy and drop a message and wish her nicey words or greetings on this very special day, cos somehow I know my existence is not needed in her living world, somehow I also don’t really acknowledge the fact also, that I know her at all. Like I say before, and I will say it again, her existence will always remain as a passive syllabus, a past tense verb in my dictionary forever, or as long as I live.

And I quote from one of my friend’s quotes, “you know you’ve been neglecting your loved one when you’ve forgotten the day is her special day.” Somehow I find this particular sentence very ironic, very amusing to myself. Only I will know why.

You can bend but never break me
’cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
’cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul

So true. She should feel honoured to have caused my conviction in my soul to go deeper, some of my brain cells killed, thousands pierces of heartaches, huge losses of appetite, countless days of insomnia, and a totally changed monsieur aaron. Well done.

For the benefit of the readers, in case you guys don’t understand, my entry title means ‘Nothing is for Eternal‘. Today’s entry was never meant to be some kind of melancholic talks or some stupid bitching abt some lousy day, but let’s just say it was some simple conversation in IRC with Jimmy that triggered some thoughts in my mind, and I could totally relate what he told me.

Ever since he was a young child, he kept his distance away from the crowd, from the noisy children around him and kept everything to himself. I asked him why, is it because of some bad childhood memories, he told me no, he just didn’t like to talk with the other kids. When he grew up, he opened up himself more, but in the end he saw the darker side for trusting others easily. Somehow I could totally see his point. Friends come and go. Friends come to you for help, and leaving you in a lurch when you need them. I could totally relate. Somehow I could sympathize with him. Mind you I wasn’t close with him, he’s just someone whom I knew in the gamersquare IRC channel, and have only met him once. Yet somehow, I feel that I could totally relate the things that he told me abt what happened. (somehow I seem to have saw myself back in my younger days) I shrugged for e moment, and tried to change the topic. Soon I found out he used to be a body-builder, though not anymore now, that’s what he told me. Got some good advice from him, cos I was embarking on some training programme soon, and I need some good solid advice from someone who has done body-building before. It would be a hard task for me, I need to get my eating and sleeping habits right for now first.

Anyway things aside, after talking with him, he sorta changed my opinion of him. When I first met him outside, through a KTV outing session with the Gamersquare peeps, he gave me the impression that he’s sorta those guys whom I would define as an extrovert, a very friendly and outgoing guy. But after exchanging some conversations with him tonight, somehow he gave me a feeling he was a narcissist, a solitary…kinda like me? Probably that explains it, never judge a person by the first impression, it’s always wrong, at least from my experiences so far. *shruggs*

Well finally, I’m dropping by to the church tomorrow. Finally gonna see people like Shaun, Charis and gang. I really missed them, since it’s really been sometime I saw them, gonna catch up with them tomorrow. And then later in the evening prolly pop by Gamescore if I’m free to say hi to Deli, and then go catch Valentine at Esplanade, Kane’s dropping by too, and I’m excited to say, cos I can finally personally hear him croon his beautiful piano tunes at the Esplanade! In fact I’m quite elated, cos been me I had always had a liking for beautiful places, and Esplanade is a totally cool and beautiful place to chill. Haven’t been there for months, the previous time I went down there alone, it was to get my mind off to fix a broken-heart. Anyway will definitely be looking forward to tomorrow, let’s hope it will be a totally fine weather. *prays hard*

I should sleep soon, originally intended to turn in at 12AM, if not I won’t be able to wake up later in the morning for church in time. Ok signing out now, take care my friends and stay ogenki ne! (^ ^’)

I feel vulnerable. People close to your heart makes it all the more easier to break you. And it didn’t help with the MSN conversation earlier just now with one of my closer friend, who finally came clean with his words, when I questioned him just now about some unresolved issues. Sometimes it just feels so sickening, this world’s full of idiotic people trying to cook up excuses for themselves, defending themselves even though they know they’re actually guilty. And rather than feeling remorseful, they can still tell you their own prerogative perspectives and opinions, without giving a damned shit about you. I don’t wanna mention names, I never will mention names. It’s part of my principle to always respect people’s privacy. But if you’re still not happy with what I write, give me a good enough reason why I should take down my entry just because of you. So until you can convince me of that, quit bitching about what I write in my blog, cos it’s my blog and I have my prerogatives too.

Anyway I just hanged up the phone with Jeremy not too long ago, had a long chat with him regarding this issue. I shall not go in-depth into this matter but let’s just say, once bitten, twice shy. To give the benefit of the doubt to the person involved, if you really wanna know, I will still trust you, but probably not like before anymore. Things will never be the same anymore from now on, it’s a fact and you can’t change that. Since you have your own perspective of seeing friendships, I have my own too. But if you can’t even carry out and fulfill your promises, I really don’t see the need to hold you in high regards in my social circle, to me you’re just another one of those person who talks louder than actions, and since talk is cheap, you had just successfully declasse yourself in my eyes.

I’m totally not elated at all, having to write this kind of post on my blog, especially just after the first day of the new year has passed. Sometimes I really wonder why I keep having to meet this kind of people in my life, probably I’m just been too nice to people, but why be the nice guy always? Nothing for me to gain also, I really should consider trying to be the bastard in life, to make life easier for me. Then I don’t have to keep to my promises and be an ultimate bastard, making lives worse for other people…MUAHAHAHAHA.

Maybe I should just go and sleep. Things will probably turn for the better tomorrow when I wake up. Though I probably know I’m just lying to myself. Bleh.

Hello minna-san! Well it’s a brand new year again, let’s hope everyone will have a fresh new start to this year and may all our wishes and resolutions for this year come true. It’s a rather late update since I promised to do a concluding post abt my life before the new year but I was too caught up with stuffs and lack of sleep recently that I only had some time to do some decent blogging today.

It’s been a rather high and low frequency kind of thing for me recently, lotsa things happened thus for my topic today. Emotions are fragile. Relationships are nothing but a cliche in reality for me right now. Sometimes I get so easily affected emotionally by my friends around me. And it doesn’t seemed to help much that although having a platonic friend to confide and relate to, sometimes it just gradually brings back those sad and hurtful memories, awakening the melancholic side within myself.

One of my closer female friend recently broke up with her bf. I received the bad news from her when I was out with my friends on that day, and once I was done I immediately went down asap to accompany and console her. Later on that evening, somehow her bf sorta patched back with her, much to her assurance. She was kinda committed into this relationship, the guy was like the ideal guy for a long-term relationship, possibily already considering marriage plans in the future ahead of them, she said. But can you imagine, when that guy brought up the breakup decision, it was reasons or probably you could call it excuses, like both of their eating and sleeping habits are different? And they have different characteristics, thus they have their differences and not suitable for each other. I was totally flabbergasted with his so-called reasons for the breakup, to me it’s totally lame and unacceptable. But of course, you give all kinds of reasons or excuses when you wanna break up with someone, there’s never so-called a logical reason or acceptable excuse for breaking up, you break up for a cause, and because when there’s a cause, there’s always a reason behind it.

I met her bf once before, somehow he gave me a neutral first impression if you would ask me. Never really interact much with him too, he didn’t seem really that friendly or prob there’s just nothing much in common to talk about, so not that I’m anti-social or anything. Still I wouldn’t normally judge a person merely by the first impression, often the first impression of a person can be very misjudging, if not impeccable. Somehow I felt that her bf was a rather decent though, he’s currently serving his national service right now, like most other guys at his age, the same age as me if you’re curious. My friend got to know him for roughly about 2 months before they really dated and became a couple, so it was not something like an impulse decision or what, she really did gave it a good serious thought before deciding to commit into this new relationship.

She’s ok right now, at least that’s what I think. Just hanged up the phone with her not too long ago, assuring and asking her not to think too much, telling her it’s still best to just have a personal confrontation talk with him to resolve the issues one to one. She wasn’t sure if the patch would help in the long run, afterall when the other party had already brought up the break-up issue before, things would most likely turn different in the relationship in future, whether you like it or not. But then she also didn’t wanna give it up so easily, afterall he’s like the ideal guy she wanted to be with in a long-term relationship, and possibily marriage. So I told and assure her that, perhaps time will tell everything, so just try and take things one step at a time.

Her bf can be rather unfeeling at times too, rather insensitive if you would ask me. Throwing her alone on new year’s eve, going to someone elses’ birthday bash party at his friend’s house. So I was out with her yesterday, spending our evening at Orchard, chilling out. She went off later on around 10PM to wait for his bf to pick her up, since they made plans to stay over at his place. Then I went to Taka to look for Michelle and gang to meetup with them and chill till countdown, just then Cynthia and gang called me and said they were at China Black, but I didn’t really felt like going clubbing so I turned them down nicely. Didn’t really enjoyed myself much either yest, well let’s just say the atmosphere and the crowd was there, but my mind was at somewhere else, just didn’t had the mood to celebrate. Got myself into a freaking mess also with all the sprays and foams and stuffs, as well as a good squishing experience with the hogs of people on the streets. Well it’s only once a year, so I can’t really complain much. Reached home around 3AM, took a hot bath to relieve myself, then it’s finally sweet dreams for me at 4AM.

My new year resolutions for 2005? Kinda of having a total bunch of them, a massive run-down would be too long-winded. But I guess my main piorities for this year is to really study hard if I ever get into NAFA, and also get my Class 3 driving license. I will be happy enough if ever I can accomplish this two piorities, one should never be too greedy or ambitious. And yah, eat well and sleep well. I really need to accomplish that. Seriously considering going on a strict training programme and diet for myself, I really hate my current physique, I sorta find myself too pale and too thin, so I really need to gain some solid mass. Maybe it’s time to check out GNC’s line of products, some mass-gaining should probably help me better, since I have such a bad record of having inregular/insufficient meals. ^ ^;

Yup, I’m pretty much done. My concluding post for 2004. Or make that my first substantial post for 2005. Oh and to all my readers out there, a Happy New Year 2005 to all of you, may all your wishes come true and good blessings with you. Signing out, have a nice weekend ahead everyone!