“Why do we call it falling in love? Cause it’s easier to fall, than to climb back up.”

How hard is it for one to find someone whom you really care for, and to love and accept his or her everything else. And nothing else matters anymore? Be it eat, sleep, live or die… nothing else. That’s in a world of love.

Is it because we are so reliant on it? Cause it feeds our need to give love? Once that need is being severed, you start to feel so lost, so hurt, so difficult to accept, understand or even breathe?

Does that create a fear in us, for us to love again?

Remember awhile back, when I told you guys that I had a weird dream about one of my ex-crush? Well this time I had another weird dream again, about two nights ago. This time it’s ‘her‘. My most recent ex-gf. People say when you dream about someone in your dreams, it’s actually means that your subconsciousness is telling you that you are actually not thinking about that person anymore, so it brings the person from your past, your memories somewhere within and bring them into your dreams. That’s actually what I read about, I certainly hope it’s true.

Honestly speaking, I don’t feel that jaded anymore. It’s been awhile since I think about her, maybe more tonight cause I’m writing about this now in my blog. Ironically just now in MSN Priscilla was teasing me that she’s gonna introduce some girls to me sometime soon, but I shrugged and kindly rejected her kind gesture. One thing I’m quite sure of now, I’m definitely not ready for a new relationship. Not because I still like her or harbour feelings for her, but I just need some time off, alone. I just don’t feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with someone again, giving my love and everything, only to have everything shattered to pieces, feeling so lost and all again in the end. Let’s just say I’m still trying… just hope things will change eventually prior when the time is right or when fate decides its due when that special someone crosses my life that entices my attention.

This week got quite a few events going on. Sitex ‘04 at the Singapore Expo, which I will be dropping by this Sunday, and Jeremy’s birthday which is today theoretically speaking. Will be going either to Zouk or dBl-O to celebrate his birthday bash with him and his friends, anyway it’s really been awhile since I went clubbing, it was sometime back in late 2003 at one of the pubs at Boat Quay? Not really interested to pick up any girls though, just wanna go there chill and enjoy myself.

Ok it’s late, I should sleep. I promise I will take some pictures later today and upload here soon ya? Adios my friends, good night folks.

Been feeling abit tad mellow these days, ya know… like nonchalant towards things and people around me. Nothing seems to excite me nowadays, or perhaps my life is just tad dull and boring. And my parents and sis are leaving for their Australia vacation in just about two weeks time, her O’s just ended I think. And considering nowadays its the school holidays, it doesn’t help much with the crowd outside either. Almost everyday, everywhere is so crowded. Oh my, do I sound like anti-social now? *grins*

Anyway it’s pretty official, I’m staying here and not going for the Australia trip. What’s the reason you might ask? Been a tour group trip, I don’t like to stick around with tourist guides around, restricting where I can go and explore. And been inside a tour group, it would probably mean there are uncles and aunties whom I can’t stand. So I told my Mum sometime ago I guess I will give this vacation a miss. Anyway in my current state, I pretty much needed a vacation, but not now. Still got some stuffs on my piority list, like finding a nice job temp and building my new PC, as well as going for my singing and japanese classes. Things will get pretty much hectic for me for the coming next few weeks so I hope I can handle it without affecting my original plan and schedule.

Anyway, if there’s anything worth happy about, it would be I’m finally getting myself a new DIY system soon. My last upgrade I had for my PC was sometime back in 2001, and been out of touch on the DIY scene for 3 yrs, I sure got alot of catching up to do. Been reading up alot these days and I roughly have an idea what system I would want and settle for, pretty much one of those latest P4s I guess, I’m pretty done with Athlon XPs for now, the heat issue is gonna be a long-term problem to solve and I don’t wanna mess with those again with all that unnecessary fans and noises buzzing in my room at night. The time is wholly right too, who would have thought that Valve has finally released their long-awaited game, Half-life 2? It’s a really brilliant game, and with the rave reviews churned out so far, I’m pretty much damn sure this game won’t fail my expectations. And not to forget I finally got my copy of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater yesterday from Mega Multimedia which was released locally here on Sunday. It’s really been a long wait and to be honest it really didn’t failed my expectations for it. From the introduction presentation, the story-plot to the characters dialogues and the humour inside the game, of course thanks to the brilliant and wacky game producer Hideo Kojima, everything is a master-piece. 3 years is a long wait, and I can be definitely sure that the Game of the Year contenders for this year will definitely include this work of master-piece from Konami as well as Valve’s Half-life 2 that’s for sure. Good luck gentle-men, you hear me, Snake & Gordan Freeman? *laughs*

Ok I should go, it’s already 3AM in the morning and I was supposed to go to bed early today, go figure. Good night minna-san monsieur aaron out.

I recently went on a downloading spree, especially for animes and movies. Downloaded and watched this pretty japanese movie Casshern directed by Kazuaki Kiriya, which was also his debut film. Oh and I must mention this in case you didn’t know, he’s also the lucky husband/beau of Hikki, the great japanese-singer Utada Hikaru. Anyway my comments about this movie? From an anime/manga fanatic point of view, this movie rocks. Everything from the cinematography, sound and visual presentation, to the story’s main theme and characters involved in the story, just simply rocks. Though those of you Final Fantasy fans out there, might find that the movie’s main theme has quite some similarities akin to Square Picture’s own Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. Nevertheless this is one great movie inter-woven with fantastic CGI coupled with a great soundtrack and good story-plot. This movie will be coming to the local Cathay threatres (sorry GV is out) on the 25th this month and I won’t hesitate to watch it with my friends when it’s released here locally. Check out the official website here.

Oh well, so it has been raining for almost the whole day since afternoon, it kinda spoiled my plans for today. I just hope tomorrow will be a fine sunny day, cos I wanna go to the park for a nice long run. Long-distance jog helps me to distress, and also helps to push myself physically and mentally. I would also like to go back swimming soon, haven’t been swimming since I left NS. There’s so much things I wanna try too, like rock-climbing but due to my laziness I haven’t had the motivation to kick-start myself. Haha talk about determination.

Ok I’m outta here, going back to my escapism of movies and animes. Have a nice weekend ahead everyone!

Reflection. Things and people reflect through my mind. I reflect upon my own self, the things I have done and what I have done for other people. Sometimes upon reflection, we regret on our decision that we’ve made. Having second thoughts and wondering how the results will turn out if you could turn the time back and make that alternate move or decision, turning that into the perfect and right decision at that same time, instead of the one that we actually made, and regretting it thereafter. Tell me how often do u make that decision of yours and not regretting it after some time. Then again, it’s undeniable there’s never a definite choice or decision. The reason why we so often make and make do with our choices and decisions in life is just simply well, cause we often try to deceive ourselves? No? Or probably I’m just thinking too much.

I had a weird dream last night. I was on a vacation with one of my ex-crush that I really liked last time but never had the chance to be with. I still keep in contact with her now in reality, she’s studying in NUS and 2 years younger than me. One whom I had never really thought of having a serious and long relationship with, cause at that time I’m still not really into serious relationships; I’m just eighteen years old at that point of time. Yeah I know I sound immature and childish, nevertheless she was one girl whom we both had mutual feelings for each other at that time, we dated for awhile but somehow we never ended up together. Don’t ask me why, I probably didn’t like to think too much at that time so I just took things easy and letting go of things easily too. Taking things easy was me at that time.

Let’s fast forward to today. Somehow I’m glad I can take things seriously now. Then again, sometimes I really hate myself for taking things seriously. Why? Cause in the long run, I think I’m only at the losing end. The one getting hurt in the process is still me. If I do not let things go, if I still struggle to cling on to something that doesn’t exist anymore, or just someone who has walked out from my life out of sudden, it will only be just pure memories for me to savour upon, for me to remember somewhere deep in my heart. Then again, I guess that’s the purpose for memories, sweet or bitter. An inevitable process or phrase in life for you to continue walking on in your life, moving on the present and into the future.

(more…)

I seem to have lost my flair for writing recently. One of those dreaded spells that hit me hard, diverting my zest instead like enjoying a good anime or movie, playing a fun game on my consoles, or even just merely chilling out with cool jazz in the middle of the night with some nice cold jasmine green-tea to go with. I hope this feeling passes soon and comes to an end, if not a dead blog doesn’t fulfill the purpose of this new blog, defying my hope to write with joviality again.

Purpose, all of us has a purpose in life to begin with. There’s always a purpose behind everything, one of the core aspect and reason that urges us to believe and motivate in our lives to start with, on every brand new day.

Issues. To start with, I do have tons of issues to iron out in my life. And honestly it doesn’t help either with idoitic, selfish and egoistic people messing in your life. Been tactful is one thing, been kind to you is another. Do not take my kindness and innocence for granted. For that makes me wanna condemn you even further and abolish you out of my social circle completely.

If I dislike someone or a trait, I don’t just point it out like this in public. And if I wanna talk about somebody on an online blog like this, I will just use monikers discreetly or simply hints.

So she bitched to me online in MSN a few days ago, quickly defending herself yet again. She was trying to debate with me over the issue in a profused manner, telling me what I wrote in my blog earlier on wasn’t true, that I was just pointing my conclusions on assumptions alone, nothing from the mere fact that I was just simply presuming the facts that I had written.

I said excuse me? Firstly, this is my blog and I write whatever I want to write, so why are you giving me a mouthful of bitching, in the middle of the night? And secondly I didn’t use any names, so what’s the fuss? He or she, she or he. Does that provoke your ego at all? If it does, oh I’m so sorry about it, but I really can’t help it. So it seems to me that ego and pride means everything to you, and I wasn’t wrong about you afterall. *rolls-eyes*

Then she told me cause she treats me as a friend, thus she feels she has the responsibility to kick up the fuss and explain to me the fact in details. Friends? Ever since you have moved on with that new bf of yours, I haven’t heard from you ever since then. Maybe it’s for the better, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just partly me, that I didn’t make the effort to catch up with you. But honestly, trust me I had been trying my best to avoid you. Shaking away from you has helped me in moving out of the dark shadow encased upon me, allowing me to move on with my life. I also realised that it’s people like you, that makes me feel that girls can’t be trusted. Your past and your lies that I have known about you makes me wonder whether trust is a word in your living dictionary. I’m so sorry to have doubts about you now, but to be able to trust you as a friend now is hard, for what you have done to me in the past can’t be merely forgotten with just simple words. Forgiven but not forgotten is the best way to depict my feelings towards you now. And truthfully speaking, I’m afraid you’re just an acquaintance to me now. I just wanna be true to myself and to you now, when both of us have already moved on, into another phrase of new life. We hardly keep in touch now, so let’s just stay that way. It will be for the best.

Anyway, it’s already 5AM now, and I should sleep. My body-clock has become kinda screwed these days. I just hope I can get back to normal soon. Ok see ya peeps and good night everyone.

“A little melancholy a day takes your imperative to live away….”

Oh my, I was supposed to be in church for morning service today, but I missed it due to oversleeping. (._.)” sigh I actually do have some confessions to make, but I believe God will be understanding enough and welcome me again with open arms again next week yah? So sorry abt it Shaun, but I do hope you did enjoyed the service today, it feels good to be at home with God yah?

By the way, I had a great night yesterday out with Shaun and gang, went to catch Ladder 49 with the recommendation of Daryl. Actually I haven’t heard of the movie before I watch the show, but it was sort of a surprise after walking out of the cinema after the show. This is a good movie, tells you about the life story of a brave fire-fighter Jack Morrison (played by Joaquin Phoenix) who went through his fair share of ups and downs during his 10 years of fire-fighting life journey. The story is depicted in an unusual way narrating from backwards to beginning through flashbacks of the main lead (but definitely not new). This film chooses to be more intimate in it’s storytelling rather than elaborate scenes of action to be the focus of the story, prob also the reason why I liked this movie, I always dig good stories. Oh and not forgetting that the female lead Jacinda Barrett (played by Linda Morrison) is a rather cute chick, my type of girl actually. Do check out the movie if you haven’t done so, worth a recommendation by yours truly.

So after the movie, we headed down to Pasir Ris Beach to The Breeze to chill out for e rest of the night, great sea breeze plus romantic atmosphere there I say. It’s been since quite awhile I have the chance to chill out like this late at night with a couple of friends, the feeling is real great. Though I won’t deny there was this particular guy in the group I hated right to the core, he’s just so irritating. And he’s such an idiot with an low IQ. Don’t ask me stupid questions like why I don’t ask you out for drinks or coffee at coffee-beans like last time, you know the true answer inside yourself. When people don’t like you, quit trying to act like a good guy and be friendly. Your actions are just so digusting that it irks me totally. And when yesterday we had to get home after that, when Daryl told me to get on his van for a hitch-ride home, I was feeling compelled but reluctantly accepted. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind taking a cab home myself instead of taking his van, but rejecting him on the spot would make things ugly, so this time I closed an eye to it. I just hope that I don’t have to see him anymore again, his past actions has already deemed that I cannot accept him as a friend anymore. Acquaintance yes but friends? Definitely a no-no.

Talking about friends, I met an old friend a few days ago at Century Square. He’s serving his NS now at Hendon Camp, also known as the Commando Camp. As usual, he looks good with his strong physique and good looks, and this time he’s attached. I was happy for him and we agreed to catch up again when there’s a chance, it’s great to meet up with an old friend once in a while. Though we ain’t that close anymore after sec sch days due to certain reasons, I guessed it’s still good that both of us still share that mutual friendship feeling after all these yrs. Like I have always believed in, having many friends doesn’t matter, it’s having a few good friends that truly matters. It’s always quality over quantity. At least for myself.

Anyway, life has been good for me so far. I’m starting to move on, everything seems ok for me again. I just cleaned and tidied up my room a couple of days ago, looks spanking clean and tidy now. That satisfaction is hard to explain, it’s amazing that after I gave a whole new look to my room, everything just seem to have moved on. Having a new blog to write on is also another good thing, it means I have already started to get out of that shadow that has engulfed me for so long. Honestly I was thinking it might be harder than I thought, since my previous relationship took almost 2 yrs to completely heal and get myself out of that shit. Now that I can look back on the past and truthfully say it’s just the past and not something that’s hindering my present, it’s that kind of gratification feeling that makes you feel that there’s so much better things out there, a greener pasture and of course better girls for you to know and get on with. It’s really amazing, I managed to logon to Friendster a couple of days ago to update my blog add in my profile, then I decided to drop by her page for awhile. Surprisingly I don’t feel a thing anymore this time, it’s just gradually..gone. Yes there are still memories, but I guessed I have already plurged the sad memories out and only kept the good ones inside me. This is definitely a good thing, something I had always wanted to achieve. So I can let go off my past and meet new girls without worrying that I will be further complicated by decisions or choices still held on by my previous relationship.

Ok enough of my rants, I sure wrote alot today…just had the urge to write. Time for my brunch and chilling out, Sunday’s a great day to chill out. Though I would want to go down Sentosa Siloso on a fine weather like this, most of my friends are busy mugging for their exams during this period. Oh well, a walk in a park would be great too. Going for a jog in the park later. Have a nice day ahead everyone. =))

Haha, bet you saw this coming? A whole new blog with a refreshing new url address. Yup I just signed up for domain hosting thanks to Valentine’s help, it’s about $64 a year. Not too shabby, 150MB of hosting space with 2GB of bandwidth per mth. So now with such a big hosting space, obviously I will put it into good use. Maybe I will randomly put up some music or video files for you guys to download, so stay tuned ya?

So as you can see, my new site layout is very summer-scented indeed. Well I had finally finished watching this kdrama a few days ago, and just nice I was intending to do up a new skin theme for my blog, so thus explaining the origin of this concept. This kdrama was considered special to me and touched me in several ways, and I’m quite surprised that I could get myself to watch finish the whole series, cause honestly this is the first kdrama that I have ever finished watching, I usually won’t be able to sit through kdramas, just not my taste, I would usually prefer and take jdramas over kdramas anytime, anyday.

But no, this korean drama was different. It struck and moved me in several ways more than one, how fate brought and connected these 2 strangers together and against all odds, how Min-woo (played by Song Seung Hun) and Hye-won (played by Son Ye Jin) end up together. However, we all know true relationships are never smooth-sailing. As both Jung-jae (played by Ryu-jin) and Jung-ah (played by Han Ji Hye) refuse to give up and give in easily, their love becomes strained with the guilt and emotional baggage of their previous relationship.

And when it is eventually revealed that Un-hae’s (Min-woo’s ex-gf) heart is beating in Hye-won, it creates a further rift in their fragile relationship as both are confused whether their inexplicable attraction is due to this common link that they share, Un-hae’s heart. Min-woo is overcome with guilt on his treatment of Hye-won as Un-hae’s replacement. Hye-won is also unsure of her feelings for Min-woo, and as she does not wish to constantly remind Min-woo of Un-hae with her presence, Hye-won decides to break up with Min-woo.

I won’t go on further, if you are interested please go buy the VCDs/DVDs and watch it, currently it’s still airing on Channel U every sat nights, so you can catch when you’re free during on weekends too. I really enjoyed the story and loved the characters in it, especially Hye-won which is played by the beautiful Son Ye Jin. Probably because I didn’t really watch the first 2 series (Autumn in my heart & Winter Sonata) thus I didn’t have much qualms abt it. From what I’ve heard, this third part of the series was actually the weakest in terms of plot, probably because it lost much of its originality since it’s by the same director/producer for the 3 series. However I enjoyed the scenery inside the show and also the sunny feeling that both main leads portrayed in the drama. Min-woo played by Song Seung Hun, somehow I shared some similarities with this character, so I guess that’s why I could appreciate and accept the story character roles in this drama in a more positive way?

Ok guess I’m signing out for today, I’m so deprived of sleep these past two days due to mugging the codes and setting up my new blog/server, turning in early tonight after watching The Champion (Ren Wo Ou You) on Channel 8. Oh btw do feel free to leave some comments abt how u feel abt my new site ok? I also signed up for a new tag-board service as opposed to my old one in my previous blog, so do feel free to leave a taggy too. =))